This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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