i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
