So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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