I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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