I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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