I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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