I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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