Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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