I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
