Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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