Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
