can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
