Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
