Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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