I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
