She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
