She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
