New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
