ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
