I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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