so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
MIDGETS
????
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
