At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
