Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
