She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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