i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
