It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
