she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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