why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
