Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have feelings that need drinking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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