It's like a parade of train wrecks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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