I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
