guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
