Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
