My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
