Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
