he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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