When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
