i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just want nice things and good sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
