she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
