i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
