You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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