Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's blow job season.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
