That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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