i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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