Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
