I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think my mom watched the whole time
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
