My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
