She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
