You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
