he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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