I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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